It is not easy when your child reaches an age where they start expressing strong opinions about their living situation. If your teenager tells you they want to live with the other parent, it can feel personal or even painful. Many parents face this situation, but knowing that you are not alone likely doesn’t eliminate the sting.
In most states, children do not get to decide where to live outright. However, their preferences may carry more weight in court once they reach their early teens. That does not mean the judge will automatically agree with their preference, but the teen’s voice can become part of the decision.
Their voice, your role
The court’s focus will always be on what is best for your child. As your teen grows, so do their needs. Maybe they are seeking more structure, or perhaps they want to be closer to school, friends or other family. Understanding the “why” behind their preference is key.
What usually matters when teens express a preference:
- Age and maturity: Judges may consider a child’s opinion starting around age 12 to 14, depending on the state.
- Reason for the choice: Wanting less discipline or more freedom may not carry much weight. But wanting a better school or stronger emotional support might.
- Current parenting plan: Courts consider what is already working and whether a change would benefit or harm the child’s stability.
- Each parent’s situation: The environment, schedule and involvement of each parent are factored in, especially regarding how each supports the teen’s needs.
During this time, it is important to listen. Keep open communication with your child without making them feel guilty. Avoid putting them in the middle.
If you are dealing with a shift in your child’s living preference, it helps to understand your options and what the process may involve. Every situation is different, but having legal help can support you and your child as you navigate this new terrain.