You understand the necessity of having a cordial co-parenting relationship with your ex-partner. After all, children with parental involvement do better both academically and socially.
But what if your co-parent is a narcissist? Is it even possible for the two of you to parent together?
The traits of narcissistic personality disorder
People with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) display traits of grandiosity, a constant need for attention and a lack of empathy for others. Their elevated sense of self-importance gives them a superiority complex and the belief they should receive special treatment. Someone with NPD uses manipulation and exploitation to get what they want. They refuse to accept criticism, believing it to be a threat to their self-worth.
Because of these traits, co-parenting with a narcissist can be challenging and exhausting. They tend to focus more on their own image instead of creating a healthy emotional environment for their children. Furthermore, their need to control and manipulate leads them to oppose any of your actions, twist narratives, undermine your authority and involve the children in your conflicts.
But you’re not without your own power, and it is possible to co-parent with your narcissistic ex. Here are some practical tips to keep in mind:
- Create and enforce firm boundaries: Set clear expectations regarding issues such as visitation and communication from the beginning. Insist on sticking to these rules. Finding a co-parenting app that can track correspondence and maintain a record in the event of disputes may be beneficial. Narcissists love creating drama, so try to avoid confrontations.
- Keep the focus on your children: You can’t control your ex’s behavior. Instead, control the environment that you are providing for your children. Your home should be a safe place where your children can share their feelings and receive assurance they are loved and supported.
- Consider parallel parenting: If your ex-partner is too toxic to co-parent with, try parallel parenting. This will minimize interactions between the two of you by creating an arrangement where you focus on parenting independently of each other.
It’s also essential to remember self-care while co-parenting with a narcissist. They will attempt to destroy your self-worth, so taking time for yourself and having supportive people around you will help you maintain your composure whenever you have to interact with your co-parent. If you feel that your children are suffering due to the other parent’s behavior, you may need to consider alternate custody arrangements.